im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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