drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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