did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
