No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
