I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
