She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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