Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
