i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
