I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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