Umm I'm too high to move.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
