...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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