So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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