your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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