dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
