So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
