she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
