Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
