Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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