Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
