Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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