Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
