just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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