I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
