Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
