I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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