I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
