If that was your dad, he is hot
I just cut my nipple shaving
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
