it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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