i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
