every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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