hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
