It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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