you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't turn off my feet"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
