There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
