If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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