Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
organizing the empties. That sober.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My bed smells like the plague
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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