You're my little dorito
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
