She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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