Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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