Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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