i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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