At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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