can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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