Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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