She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
