I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
