she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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