I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
