If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
