Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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