So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
