I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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