walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
